quarter moon

"Look oh, ang ganda ng quarter moon! May katabi pang nag-iisang star!"

I remember him saying, "Maganda ba yan?"

Now, how did I end up being with somebody who doesn't appreciate what I like? Like the clouds, heavenly bodies, happy thoughts, happy memories, and the better side of everything? i never imagined myself laughing so hard with a partner who would just stare at me and ask, "what's so funny?"

I am a very shallow person.

i cry over a dead puppy. or even a lost shoe. or a stolen lollipop. i laugh at everything. An out of tune singer. a puppy who fell down. a corny joke. or my own mistake. and i get hurt easily... like frowning at me when i've done nothing wrong. (specially that). not kissing me goodnight. not saying good morning. but i forget those hurts easily too. just one sorry will do.

oh! and a hug! definitely a hug.

Now, how did I end up being with somebody who doesn't appreciate what I like? I think I fall easily in love too. and when i decided to fall in love, I've decided to be that way for a long time.

I just saw the moon. It's really captivating. and somehow, I found comfort in it.

"I know it is there, even if I can't see it everytime"

nothing...

my mind is blank...
as in nothing...

Alcohol Always Lied to Me

I Drank for Courage... and woke up night after night horrified.
I Drank for Sophistication... and became crude.
I Drank to find Peace... and ignited a war within myself. I Drank to be Friendly... and became argumentative and nasty.
I Drank to be Sexy... and turned people off.
I Drank so that I could Relate to Others... and I babbled.
I Drank to put down Loneliness... and found myself retreating more and more into my shell.
I Drank to Relax... and woke up tense.
I Drank to be Entertaining... and became an obnoxious clown.
I Drank to Live More Fully... and contemplated suicide.
I Drank for Adventure... and discovered disaster.
I Drank to be more Honest... and insulted my friends.
I Drank to Quiet my Nerves... and woke up with hangover jangles.
I Drank to Feel Better... and ended up sick and throwing up.
I Drank to have Fun... and passed out in the middle of the party.
I Drank to Pep Myself Up... and ended up exhausted.
I Drank to feel Successful... a Big Shot... but ended up a failure.
I Drank for Security... and became afraid of my shadow.
I Drank to Feel Better about Myself... and ended up hating me.
I Drank to prove I could handle Alcohol... and ended up knowing it controlled me.

Men are better friends!

Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the very next morning, she
tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night.
The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriend's and none of them confirm that.

Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very
next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the
wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their
apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there
with them!

Moral of the story: Men are better friends

"alak"

My friend txt me last night. may problema daw sya. she wanted to tell me her troubles but she can't seem to say it. nahihiya daw sya. i told her, she better tell me what it is so she'll feel better. i told her... "alam mo, parang e**k lang yan eh. nakakahiyang ilabas. pero kapag nailabas mo na, ang sarap ng feeling. ...and her reply?...

"hayup sa analogy"

sabi nya, idadaan na lang nya sa inom..

funny.. i used to tell that to myself. every time there were unwanted events in my life, i always, well almost always, turned to alcohol. beer for that matter. hah.. those days.. i don't know either to laugh about my mistakes or shrink about my insanities. i have done a lot of stupid things.. the most stupidest things you could have thought of.. when i was drank. haha... ung tipong hindi ko na maalala what happened the previous night. or i would simply choose not to remember at all. and yeah.. because i felt i did something stupid. and it defeats the purpose of my turning to beer in the first place.. (to forget my worries?) being drank and not remembering what happened only adds up to my endless worries. but it added to my escapades. charge to experience ika nga nila. on the other hand, it's nice to have let everything inside you just spill out. without thinking what others would say. or how they would react. (well because you can't control yourself, lango sa alak eh). haha. i can't say that i regret those parts of my life when i am a bitch. but i didn't say i am proud of it either. let's just say that it was part of my insane past. and somehow, i learned from it. well, i learned from it, a lot.

it was over a year now when i had my last shot of beer. and i can't say that i missed it. if there's something i missed, it was not the taste of beer. but the company of those you drank with. the family, the friends. the ones you converse with during the "session". the funny jokes. the sad and teary stories. wala lang.. yung samahan ng barkada.. that's what i missed most. and of course, their stories about me when all i can remember was nothing from the previous nights.

**sigh**

i don't know how to react actually. remembering those times when i feel stupid i laughed at myself. and if you're gonna ask me if i wanted to do that again? well.. it depends...

Shot ka muna!

---

worried?

Are you upset little friend?
Have you been lying awake worrying?
Well, don't worry...I'm here.
The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will
shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you.

~Charlie Brown to Snoopy~

pampers

pampers comfort. my baby’s diaper brand. but lately his been having rashes. maybe because it’s too hot and the diapers material is plastic… or sort of. i changed his brand. maybe it’s not so comfortable after all.
speaking of pampers. i really really want to go to the spa, salon and pamper myself. have a spa, body scrub, body massage, facial, manicure, pedicure, hair relax, rebond.. whatever.. -a total make over. i have been feeling kinda old lately. so haggard and stressed. my days have been very busy. but still, there were a lot of things that i haven’t done yet. it seems like 24 hours a day were not enough for everything that i would like to do. my to do list keeps filing up and up and up and up. (haha, but i still have time to post this blog). why did i really decided to have a blog anyway? i don’t know. maybe to have an outlet of what was inside my head. so i can let everything out. wala kasi ako makausap eh. baka ako mabaliw. hehe. i can talk to andrei but as if he can understand and talk back. oh i can’t wait to have a conversation with him. all we do is smile and laugh at each other. oh and hugged and kissed. not that i am complaining of course. i love every minute we do that. actually, can’t wait to that again, and again, and again.. oh, i wanted to go home and hug him now. sigh… if only i can stay home all day.. why can’t i? i’m at work. –so why am i blogging? the boss is not around… haha.. hhuussshhh….. it’s good to be writing again. where am i again? ah.. pampers.. sigh… i wonder when i can have the time and the money to pamper myself..

my andrei

my baby’s name is andrei.

he fell from the bed the other day. we were eating when i heard a loud thud inside the room. i run to where he was. i panicked when i couldn’t find him on the bed. when i found him on the floor on his tummy and crying i picked him up right away. i was so scared. maybe more scared than he was. i hear stories of babies falling from high places and it freaked me out. Most of it were not so comforting.

It makes me realize how much i changed. From the outgoing person i used to be. it’s true, what they say, that having my own child makes me see the world differently. It makes me a stronger person. i value family time and quality time now. Having a baby is a lot of responsibility. But unlike meeting deadlines and reporting for work, this kind of responsibility makes me proud. i never do it out of obligation but out of love. it gives me a reason for being a me in this world. hindi na lang puro sarili ang iniisip ko ngayon. now i have someone who is dependent on me. and it gives me a warm feeling of being wanted. i used to think a lot of what my purpose is in this world, if i was to make an impact on the people around me. i always asked myself what others would say about me when i am gone. i used to dream of leaving a legacy or being a legend. i dreamed of being a hero. a well known actress. just so that i will be remebered and appreciated. i struggled to be someone who would be a good example to everyone. and when they say my name they would whisper that i am great in what i did.

But all of it suddenly changed the moment i heard my child cried. it was the most wonderful sound i have heard. it takes all the pain of giving birth away. it sums up all the joys and happiness that i have felt my entire life. and when i saw him for the first time.. ahh.. that was most heartwarming experience that i have ever had. The sleepless nights that followed due to his waking up in the evenings were the most wonderful sleepless nights i had. his smiles and giggles were the most beautiful sounds that i heard.

i wanted to give him everything that i can give. all that he wanted to have. everything that’s best for him. i wanted him to feel loved, secured and respected. i wanted him to grow up as fine young man. i wanted him to mature as a just, humble, God-fearing and giving person. i wanted him to be successful and happy. i wanted him to have all his dreams come true.

in his eight months of existence, there never was a time that i have never kissed him a hundred times or more. and hugged him too.

it is a very wonderful feeling, being a mother.

i can’t wait to get home!

me self

well, about myself first. i am a 23 year old girl. i have an 8-month old baby whose father is a good man. we live in a small home where i can raise my little family. but life wasn’t that good before that. i have been a very happy go lucky girl and no cares about the world. i live life as it comes. i live like there’s no tomorrow, or a later. i act on guts and instinct, or whatever mood i was in. i’m never alone but i am a loner. i’m interested in people but i never socialized. i almost always lost control. and got in trouble because of it. but always got out of it.. somehow.. i can do anything for the one i love.. or have done nothing about it. i loved, lost, loved and lost again. i always hurt. i almost always end up crying. and i also dried my tears everytime. i never lose faith in love. and i never will. it’s the most powerful thing in the world. the most wonderful feeling. the most valuable gift you can give. and the most expensive thing you can steal. i trully believe in the power love. the magic that it can bring. along with the hurt and pain. the joy and pride. how it can take the shackles off my feet and stand proud.