what? i don’t know what to say or rather how to say this… i am not contented with my life. i don’t like where i am at right now. i feel so guilty admitting it. but i feel much worse not letting it out. i mean, i could have a better life than this if only i play my cards well. don’t get me wrong, i do not regret where i am. i think it’s rather different from being unsatisfied. i am sure i can get over with this feeling. i am glad i a am right here this time. for the simple reason that i would learn how to cope up and deal with this. i know now what i should have done and what i should do. it gives me a goal in life. a purpose. i am sure i can get over this situation. i will strive hard to get up. and somehow survive. it never is in my vocabulary to give up and surrender. but who ever said i don’t need a rest? i sometimes feel tired… well most of the time. i can rest. recharge. and to fight even harder when i came back. i just have to stop for air once in a while. i believe now is not the time for that. i still have alot of obligations and work to do. i really have to fix my life. how it is going. and what affects me. i have to have a definite gameplan. a systematic goal…
wow… i am starting to think of plans and goals at the moment. i never imagined i would come to this point in my life. my motto and belief before was, “come what may”… i believed i am so flexible i can overcome whatever comes my way. well, i am still like that for the most part. but being a mother brings about a lot of changes. specially about my priority. i can’t believe i can love my son so much to change how i look about life in general… but i love the feeling… i’m a woman afterall.
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