...tngnmrtz...

Not My Best Side

2009-07-12T11:25:00.000+08:00

kharla corales (kharlacorales@gmail.com) has posted a new blog entry.

Jul 11, '09 11:25 PM
for everyone

This is a painting called St George and the Dragon by Paolo Ucello, and was painted in 1455. Over 500 years later, the poet Ursula Fanthorpe wrote a poem inspired by Ucello's painting.

Not my Best Side

I

Not my best side, I'm afraid.
The artist didn't give me a chance to
Pose properly, and as you can see,
Poor chap, he had this obsession with
Triangles, so he left off two of my
Feet. I didn't comment at the time
(What, after all, are two feet
To a monster?) but afterwards
I was sorry for the bad publicity.
Why, I said to myself, should my conqueror
Be so ostentatiously beardless, and ride
A horse with a deformed neck and square hoofs?
Why should my victim be so
Unattractive as to be inedible,
And why should she have me literally
On a string? I don't mind dying
Ritually, since I always rise again,
But I should have liked a little more blood
To show they were taking me seriously.

II

It's hard for a girl to be sure if
She wants to be rescued. I mean, I quite
Took to the dragon. It's nice to be
Liked, if you know what I mean. He was
So nicely physical, with his claws
And lovely green skin, and that sexy tail,
And the way he looked at me,
He made me feel he was all ready to
Eat me. And any girl enjoys that.
So when this boy turned up, wearing machinery,
On a really dangerous horse, to be honest
I didn't much fancy him. I mean,
What was he like underneath the hardware?
He might have acne, blackheads or even
Bad breath for all I could tell, but the dragon--
Well, you could see all his equipment
At a glance. Still, what could I do?
The dragon got himself beaten by the boy,
And a girl's got to think of her future.

III

I have diplomas in Dragon
Management and Virgin Reclamation.
My horse is the latest model, with
Automatic transmission and built-in
Obsolescence. My spear is custom-built,
And my prototype armour
Still on the secret list. You can't
Do better than me at the moment.
I'm qualified and equipped to the
Eyebrow. So why be difficult?
Don't you want to be killed and/or rescued
In the most contemporary way? Don't
You want to carry out the roles
That sociology and myth have designed for you?
Don't you realize that, by being choosy,
You are endangering job prospects
In the spear- and horse-building industries?
What, in any case, does it matter what
You want? You're in my way.

Tags: wala lang

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ferris wheel

2009-03-02T18:58:00.000+08:00

i just...

...don't want to hurt you.

I've always thought, with regards to everything,
that it was better for me to just hold back...
...restrain myself rather than risk the relationship falling apart;
that's how i've lived my whole life.

And in fact I thought I'd done pretty well for myself that way,
and I was satisfied with it.

But ever since I met you,
I haven't been able to bear it anymore.

... My family knows sides of me that you don't.

And I can't help wondering if maybe you would go away from me if you found out about them.
I think I might do anything to stop you.

I'm afraid.

I don't want to restrain you,
but at the same time I want to lock you away.

Hurting you is the one thing I never want to do.

But that's not the reality.

I'd rather we parted ways now,
than have you despise me and leave me behind one day.

My biggest fear is losing you.

Pure Romance

2009-02-23T07:54:00.000+08:00

Junjou Romantica
i have one word:

goosebumps...

hihi.

fish

2009-02-19T07:38:00.000+08:00

i am such a dreamer.
i am getting in touch with my star lately.
i should snap out of it.
but the truth is, i'm always is, such a dreamer.
so much a dreamer.

...and what am i doing?
dreaming of course.

random things

2009-01-11T08:30:00.000+08:00

<:atomicelement id="ms__id60">last christmas we went to the grocery store on the 24th of december.last minute shopping for our noche buena. salary and 13th month pay were delayed... so there.

we brought andrei t

o mcdonalds. he's usually happy with french fries and pineaaple juice. hehe. christmas eve went good, by the way. we had a healthy meal. and a nice bonding.

christmas day. we packed our bags and

went to laguna to spend the rest of the day there. my mom's there. and also most of my relatives. we're supposed to go to leyte, renato's home province, but since we didn't had an opportunity to go(for some reasons) we went "namamasko po" in my province instead.

ah and this picture here is of andrei on the bus ride to laguna. medyo nahihilo sa byahe so behave sya all through out the journey. wehe.

we went to mass that sunday 28th of december. yup in nagcarlan, laguna. this is the facade of the church.

i asked hubby why he didn't took pictures of the altar and anything else from inside. sabi nya: alangan naman daw na nagmimisa si father eh mag picture sya dun and say, father! smile muna. (haha. that's him trying to be funny... )

we went to liliw too. we're suppose to buy slippers for me. but we end up buying a shirt for him. (which turned out to be too small, so we gave it to noel instead.) shoes for andrei. (which is a little too big, but he will grow into it). a wall clock and these wooden things where you put such things as ...well anything. and i didn't got a new pair of slippers...

oh, and this is a picture of the inside of liliw church. they have this "belen" there. as usual andrei is scared of big lifesize images.

well, this is me. bored and doing silly stuffs. nyah. why did i ever put this here.

this is andrei on new year's eve. hehe. when the firecrackkers begun he clungs to us like a ..what? a glue i think. as in, he won't let go. when we brought him outside to let him watch the colorful fireworks he hugged us more tightly while screaming: takot! takot! wahaha. hubby and i alternately held him while the other went out to watch the fireworks.

in the end, he just stayed there on the sofa. covering his ears and closing his eyes. wouldn't even move. i can't even pick him up because he's stuck there like a big heavy stone. hehe. he fell asleep on that sofa. and when i was to pick him up, he taught we're going out to watch the fireworks again and started crying... i have to tell him repeatedly that we're going to the bedroom and it's all over... wahaha.. wawa naman.

what is love?

2008-12-18T20:24:00.000+08:00

love is the desire to be part of or one with something beautiful

-it’s from a friend’s entry on friendster when asked what is love.

well, what if you declared to love someone. but being a part of or being one with him/her is not something beautiful? would it still be called love?

what if being part of him/her is something like chaos and unending twist of bad luck? would it still be love?

what if you declared your love and it is not reciprocated? would you still desire to be a part of that somebody? if you do, would it still be called love? even if you know it would not be something beautiful?

LOVE is a decision for me. when you decide to love, you stick to it. when it changes from beautiful to ugly, you won’t just let go of love.

**************************************************
somehow, as i progressed in writing this journal, i became confused.

of what my real stand is. of what i really believe in.

am i really gonna stick with love? if it doesn’t stick with me?

Is love a tender thing? it is too rough,
Too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.
-romeo

or is this the answer i wanted to believe? is this the advice i wanted to take?

If love be rough with you, be rough with love;
Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down.
-mercutio

cellphone part II

2008-12-17T20:53:00.000+08:00

i found my phone.

when i got home the other day, it was there.
andrei got it from somewhere. obviously he hid it somewhere too.

the thing is: the thing simply won't turn on!

cellphone

2008-12-14T18:21:00.000+08:00

i have been looking for my cellphone the whole day.
well i am not really bothered that my phone is missing. i am not really into phone these days. (or make it months or years if you like). besides i can live without a phone really. nobody really text me. and i rarely text anybody anyway. just my mom, my dad, my youngest sister and occasionally my hubby. we don't have anything interesting to say to each other. except inquiries and how are you's. well, from time to time i text my auntie when i need my allowance and my thesis partner when we need to work on something.
oh, and someone else text me every once in a while. maybe every month or two i receive text messages from long lost friends updating their phone numbers or sending me quotes. i always replied with "how are you" when i have load. we would exchange greetings then after a few message, that's it. they would never text again for who knows how long. but when i don't have a load, well, their messages just fill my inbox.
now, why do i need my phone right now?
oh! because i have to go to my aunt's office tomorrow and i also have to meet my thesis partner tomorrow. now how would i know where we would meet..
where did andrei put my phone?!
anyway, i can always borrow natoy's phone... hehe

near-death experience

2008-12-11T20:33:00.000+08:00

You could run from someone you feared, you could try to fight someone you hated. All my reactions were geared toward those kinds of killers – the monsters, the enemies. When you loved the one who was killing you, it left you no options. How could you run, how could you fight, when doing so would hurt that beloved one? If your life was all you had to give your beloved, how could you not give it? If it was someone you truly loved?

ahw...

2008-12-08T23:13:00.000+08:00

"You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

-- Edward Cullen.

werewolf

2008-11-05T02:24:00.000+08:00

What Do I Look Like?

The Wizard Of Oz?

You Need A Brain?

You Need A Heart?

Go Ahead. Take Mine.

Take Everything I Have.

What Kharlavictoria Means

2008-10-15T08:09:00.002+08:00

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.

You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.

People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic “Type A” personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are very hyper. You never slow down, even when it's killing you.

You're the type of person who can be a workaholic during the day... and still have the energy to party all night.

Your energy is definitely a magnet for those around you. People are addicted to your vibe.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.

You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.

You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

rants… raving mad

2008-07-25T16:18:00.000+08:00

what? i don’t know what to say or rather how to say this… i am not contented with my life. i don’t like where i am at right now. i feel so guilty admitting it. but i feel much worse not letting it out. i mean, i could have a better life than this if only i play my cards well. don’t get me wrong, i do not regret where i am. i think it’s rather different from being unsatisfied. i am sure i can get over with this feeling. i am glad i a am right here this time. for the simple reason that i would learn how to cope up and deal with this. i know now what i should have done and what i should do. it gives me a goal in life. a purpose. i am sure i can get over this situation. i will strive hard to get up. and somehow survive. it never is in my vocabulary to give up and surrender. but who ever said i don’t need a rest? i sometimes feel tired… well most of the time. i can rest. recharge. and to fight even harder when i came back. i just have to stop for air once in a while. i believe now is not the time for that. i still have alot of obligations and work to do. i really have to fix my life. how it is going. and what affects me. i have to have a definite gameplan. a systematic goal…

wow… i am starting to think of plans and goals at the moment. i never imagined i would come to this point in my life. my motto and belief before was, “come what may”… i believed i am so flexible i can overcome whatever comes my way. well, i am still like that for the most part. but being a mother brings about a lot of changes. specially about my priority. i can’t believe i can love my son so much to change how i look about life in general… but i love the feeling… i’m a woman afterall.

kokak

2008-07-17T08:14:00.000+08:00

... isang araw....
malakas ang buhas ng ulan...
umaapaw ang kanal...
umaagos ang tubig na kulay putik...
habang tinatahak ko ang kasukalan ng UP...
may lumundag sa aking harapan...

....anung laking palaka!

napalundag ako sa sobrang gulat!
takot pa naman ako sa palaka...

ako'y natigilan, san nagtungo ang nilalang?
nang aking sinundan ng tingin ang kanyang tinungo...
sumambulat sa aking paningin ang napakarami niyang kaanak...
nagkokokakan lahat!
at wari mo'y nakatitig sa akin!

tumakbo ako ng matulin...
muntik pa ako maungab...
mabuti na lang malakas ang ulan, walang tao sa paligid...

ang palaka... bow!

Another Loss

2008-06-25T09:55:00.000+08:00

"Death may be the greatest of all human blessing"
"The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our ways - I to die, and you to live. Which is better, God only knows"
- Socrates

march 06

2008-03-06T08:15:00.000+08:00

maganda ang gising ko...

masaya naman dahil sa aking pagninilay eh madaming taon at mahabang panahon na pala ang napahiram sa akin ni God...

...yun lang

growing up

2008-01-20T14:26:00.000+08:00

in my multiply accoun t almost every picture i have is of andres. still pictures that i can forever look at and stare at.. it is as if i have captured his every growing moments and he is transforming before my very eyes.

Andrei the Genius

2008-01-20T14:10:00.000+08:00

hehe....
he tried his tito's glasses...
he looks cute, di ba?
i wonder if he's going to wear real glasses when he's older. i hope not. he has such beautiful eyes. marami kaya mai-inlove sa kanya when he grows older? haha... i really am excited to watch him grow into a fine young man. but i also wanted him to stay a baby forever...

New Year's Resolutions You Can Keep

2007-12-31T17:34:00.000+08:00

Have you broken your last New Year's Resolutions?
Well, here's a rather crazy list that you can keep.

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.

3. Read less. Makes you think.

4. Watch more TV. You've been missing some good stuff.

5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

6. Stop bringing lunch from home: Eat out more.

7. Get in a whole NEW rut!

8. Spend your summer vacation in Cyberspace.

9. Don't eat cloned meat.

10. Create loose ends.

11. Get more toys.

12. Get further in debt.

13. Don't believe politicians.

14. Break at least one traffic law.

15. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.

16. Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.

17. Associate with even worse business clients.

18. Spread out priorities beyond ability to keep track of them.

19. Wait around for opportunity.

20. Focus on the faults of others.

21. Mope about faults.

22. Never make New Year's resolutions again.

******************************

www.MountainWings.com "Wings Over The Mountains of Life"

death

2007-12-15T10:44:00.000+08:00

what is it about death? was it the end? or the start of a new life? all i am sure about is everyone cries when somebody dies. and you never got to see that person again…

was it that bad? was it too painful? am i numb of the pain? is it alright to feel the loss and then move on so fast? was i suppose to grieve for a longer period of time?

i can not blame those who mourn for so long... but i can not also blame those who haven't shed a tear either. i never knew what goes on in their minds. much more in their hearts. everyone deals with the situation differently. and everyone seems to have their version of the story. i myself is confused and i don't know what to believe in. but the truth of the matter is, the dead will not come back... i just hope he had the best days of his life...

home...? to where?

2007-12-03T12:37:00.001+08:00

yeah, she is… coming home, that is. it was a childish decision actually. or rather a very impulsive decision. she had a fight with dad. which of course didn’t turned out right. that’s why she decided to go home here in Luzon. She’s in Mindanao, you see. They have been living there for more than two years, because of complicated matters. but to make that complicated matters a little understandable, they were there supposedly to start a new life. Yes, restart their very shattered life. Yup, as their child i actually accepted the fact that they were doomed if they didn’t start to pick up the pieces of their life at that moment. it was a relief actually to see them off and board that plane going to Davao. I did said to myself: alas, new life! when i visited them the first time, they were doing ok. They were not living the life of kings and queens. not even a very well-to-do kind of living. they have a small sari-sari store during that time. they were doing good. they had petty quarrels as some couples usually do, but that’s it. oh, by this time i have actually accepted the fact that were still together because of companionship. love..? well, it was there, not evident though. but I’m not worried. as long as they got along together just fine. my dad was not a very good husband, you see. but my mom was not innocent either… during their not so good times as husband and wife i actually think, well i actually believe they would be better persons individually if they just live separately. but my dad’s relative insisted that they should not. they even “asked” my mom never to leave my dad. well, my dad was a very dependent man. he likes the feeling of being taken care of. i believe that he can live alone, but i firmly believe that he would make a mess of himself if he would. my mom, well, she is a fighter. i believe that she can, in fact compete in the world out there. with a little push and encouragement… and a little fashion tips… hehe. but i adore them both in their own special ways.

haha.. anyway, this latest events got me thinking really. what really happens? if it was that serious that my mom decided to leave for Luzon why did my dad decided to take her to the airport. and even suggested going with her in the first place? ah.. weird. maybe they just well, treat each other as companions and nothing more. i mean, come on, if they were in love there would be a lot of crying and cursing. and sobs, and the “i-don’t-know-what-to-do” moments, right? but there was none. my mom seem to be very excited of going home and actually have a lot of plans on where to go and what to do. although i am very worried of my very dependent dad. he seem very lost. because at the last minute he decided to stay behind and invest the money that was supposedly for the ticket. how would he eat? how can he manage the store? will he be able to pull it through? he should have gone home to… probably stay with my sister, if mom and dad really want to cool things off… but then, my little sister is still with him. am i worried about my sis? no, am not. she’s always been a fighter. she understands a lot of things i am not capable of understanding when i was her age. i moped around and turned to the wrong friends during those times. but my little sis, well, she has a way of handling herself. although she breaks down once in a while (which is normal, of course). i am still planning on taking her out of the responsibilities she already got. i still wish of giving her the best times of her life when i graduated from college and had a decent job. eventually, she will have to worry about nothing but herself. anyway, back to my dad… i am deep worried. but, we sisters just joked about the situation. the thing is, my mom can’t last a long time being away from my dad. she care a lot to let him alone for so long. unless, she is very determined on changing their way of life. for herself or the both of them. but if i can say what my mom lack, it is determination. and she really need peace of mind.

well, i am off to fetch my mom from the airport in a few hours. she is very excited to see andrei. and i am very excited to show off my son! let’s see what happens next…

mom's coming home!

2007-12-03T11:30:00.000+08:00

for good or not...?
i don't know. it was a childish decision actually.
anyway, i can't say that i don't miss her. because i do. i just wish she would go with my dad.

The Makati Siege

2007-11-30T22:30:00.000+08:00

This is a repost from Nikkolai, which is also a repost from a friend of his. i just really wanted to share this...

***********************
This is a repost from powee capino, a high school friend of mine and former media correspondent.

---

One of the highlights of the Makati siege was when actress Bibeth Orteza praised the media for staying inside the Manila Pen while the police were about to conduct operations and thwart the putschists from their plans.

ABS-CBN News anchor and reporter Ces Drilon then glanced at her left side and smiled while the civil society members who were 'encamped' with the rebels were clapping. Suddenly, it donned to me, "Were the journalists emphatizing with Sen. Trillanes and his group?"

I cannot conclude that they did but I have strong reasons that they were already doing so.

That smile of Ces Drilon was an ackowledgment that they were strong and would be beside Trillanes all the time. She nodded to compliments that the media people inside the room were already patriots after what happened.

Another incident was when the police were throwing tear gas inside the hotel. I forgot who the reporter was from ABS-CBN (either Pinky Webb or Drilon again), but this reporter wanted to interview Gen. Danilo Lim (or was it Trillanes?).

Anyway, the line of the reporter was "Sir, do you have a message for the people?" The people? Don't get me wrong but this line of questioning is usually used to influence the public on what they should do next. With all the drama, people who have sympathy for the group of Trillanes may flare up and actually march towards the hotel and show their support.

Was the reporter who asked this quesion provoking any sympathizer to protect the rebels?

These two reporters are very seasoned and their credibility cannot be questioned. But being holed up inside a 'fort' for a long time will obviously create a bond with anyone inside it. This is withstanding the fact that the rebel leader was a charismatic and good-looking individual.

I believe that an ethical line was crossed yesterday. Journalists, in their sworn duty to deliver the news, tagged along with Trillanes inside a room where they knew that police can storm at any second and kill everyone who was inside it.

Trillanes knew that these people (many of them I knew personally) would not escape so he invited them to join him and conduct a press conference. This reckless deed put their (journalists) lives in danger even if his statements were about protecting the civilians and the media people and all that obvious bullshit.

These journalists (for the sake of their duty) became 'willing hostages' to a man who was also willing to put their lives at risk at the last minute. He retreated and surrendered knowing that the government was dead serious in arresting him after an armored personnel carrier was inside the hotel already.

The press people were already warned several times that they should leave the premises so as not to be affected by the crossfire. Some chose to stay and they had to face the consequences.

What I don't understand is how come they are now complaining with how the police are treating the people who 'chose' to stay inside the hotel. Are they immuned from the system?

A journalist's job is to get both sides of the story, it is very true, but does this mean that they can dissuade orders from the police to leave the premises?

I agree that the handcuffs against the media people were too much and being dragged was an over reaction. But how can the police discriminate on who the suspects were if dozens of journalists kept running around?

Was it because Trillanes was successful in his plans to let journalists feel how the government is treating him or was it another case of the media wanting special treatment even in cases of crisis?

An empirical point here is when journalists were raising their hands while a nylon handcuff was tied to their hands. They felt they were also victims of a repressive government.

Trillanes was able to accomplish his mission and make the media an ally in his cause. Was this event another day for a journalist delivering the news or a case of the Stockholm Syndrome or a new paradigm altogether (Makati Syndrome) where reporters become propagandists and sympathizers? I just don't know.....

who the hell?

2007-11-13T17:13:00.000+08:00

well, as that question is a question:

who the hell reads my blog anyway?

halloween party

2007-11-01T06:31:00.000+08:00

he came home at 9 in the morning drunk and looking stupid. agh… i hate it when i can’t ride his mood. i think everyone is bound to be annoying and intolerable when they had so much to drink. is that right?

anyway, he attended their office Halloween party. i don’t know… i just sometimes wish i had parties to attend and appointments to meet. i hate having no social life at all… i mean, at all. but i am surviving, i think. i’m gonna enroll next week so i’m gonna be busy with school stuff again soon. which i hope would take me out of this “social-life” issue on myself. i am wondering now if i would be able to make real new friends again at school. or am i really too old for that kind of stuff. girls at school often talk about boys, if not always. which i can’t seem to have any opinion at all. waha, not that i am not interested or anything… but it just doesn’t appeal like it used to anymore. maybe i am a grown up after all. oh, i hate to be called a grown up. i hate the idea that i am old. i sometimes flinched at someone calling me “ate” at school. although i must admit it sometimes gave a warmth feeling when somebody looks up to me as an elder. hehe. but it often solicited a role model image from me. which i can’t be confident to give. but am willing you see…

anyway, happy halloween to all…

mornings

2007-10-30T04:55:00.000+08:00

it's either i have to be awake late at night or up early in the morning to have the computer all by myself. well, i am very sleepy last night... my hubby beat me into waking up early. but i actually argued that i have to use the computer first before going out of the room. so here i am, blogging... eventhough i haven't wash my face yet and haven't brush my teeth. my brother-in-law just walked in on me and said "ay!"... which means, it was his time for the computer and was shocked to see that i am here.. ('nyeta, i've only been here less than 15 minutes... haven't got my own time)

anyway, this is his laptop. eventhough this is my home, my study table, my chair...
nyah...i just look at things on a different perspective. and try to convince myself that it's fair enough.

i think i have to brush my teeth now...
and have breakfast... hehehe... gutom lang 'to...

miss piggy

2007-10-27T19:27:00.000+08:00

wala lang...

feel ko lang sya...

self-portrait ko daw yan...

wahaha

5 am

2007-10-27T04:56:00.001+08:00

yeah... 5 in the morning and i am awake... blogging

everything seem not to be mine lately. as in everything. my home. my family. even my time. imagine i have to be awake at this time only to blog... and well, feel alive.

... am hungry, and sleepy too...
-what should i do?

...sleep!

nyt! aherm, morning pala...

Lakbay Lakbay

2007-10-27T01:25:00.000+08:00

wala lang, nagpapacute lang

ganda pa ng tawa

what the effin'! wehehe..

well, these pictures were taken during lakbay kalusugan 2007. very aware of what lays ahead, but very much in denial... nah! don't bother to ask...

nice pictures anyway... thanks to the pipol where i grabbed these stills.

cookies... anyone?

2007-10-24T23:49:00.000+08:00

my 4th entry for the night... i was bloghopping, you see. i stumbled upon an old entry in gracelle's blog... just like her, i believe this story is worth sharing...

Imagine you're in an Airport. While you're waiting for your flight, you
notice a kiosk selling shortbread cookies. You buy a box, put them in your traveling bag and then you patiently search for an available seat so you can sit down and enjoy your cookies. Finally you find a seat next to a gentleman. You reach down into your traveling bag and pull out your box of shortbread cookies. As you do so, you notice that the gentleman starts watching you intensely. He stares as you open the box and his eyes follow your hand as you pick up the cookie and bring it to your mouth. Just then he reaches over and takes one of your cookies from the box and eats it! You're more than a little surprised at this. Actually, you're at a loss for words. Not only does he take one cookie, but he alternates with you. For every one cookie you take, he takes one. Now, what's your immediate impression of this guy? Crazy? Greedy? He's got some nerve! Can you imagine the words you might use to describe this man to your associates back at the office? Meanwhile, you both continue eating the cookies until there's just one left. To your surprise, the man reaches over and takes it. But then he does something unexpected. He breaks it in half, and gives half to you.
After he's finished with his half he gets up, and without a word, he leaves. You think to yourself, "Did this really happen?" You're left sitting there dumbfounded and still hungry. So you go back to the kiosk and buy another box of cookies. You then return to your seat and begin opening your new box of cookies when you glance down into your traveling bag. Sitting there in your bag is your original box of cookies -- still unopened. Only then did you realize that when you reached down earlier, you had reached into the other man's bag and grabbed his box of cookies by mistake. Now what do you think of the man? Generous? Tolerant? You've just experienced a profound paradigm shift. You're seeing things from a new point of view. Is it time to change your point of view? Now, think of this story as it relates to your life. Seeing things from a new point of view can be very enlightening. Think outside the box.

bored...

2007-10-24T23:38:00.000+08:00

i think...

hahaha...

so amuse me...

i wonder why andres so loves to have his breastmilk before bedtime... can't stay out late(pout)...
not that i am complaining... but... wahaha... ok, no complaints. wehe. and at the age of more than a year? ok, ok, i'll stop. it feels nice though. my little angel so much dependent on me. and so malambing. lalo na kapag bedtime na. wahaha...

so, why am i not sleepy?

amuse me again...

shalalala

2007-10-24T22:58:00.000+08:00

hala... where did i get that shalala thing? i am bowsing blogs. bloghopping ba tawag dun? ewan. i just wanted to occupy myself and have something to do. i wanted to write something. because when i am writing i feel like i am alive. ...uhm, well, yeah, i don't feel like i am alive most of the time. parang frozen ang mundo ko. parang ewan. still shots. yeah, i guess that's the word. walang buhay. or maybe i am just missing out on a lot of things. wah... here i go again. ranting of what might have beens. choices and decisions that i took or should have not taken. regrets? nah! i don't want to call it that. but i often wonder, am i in denial of things that's happening in my life? am i in denial of what i am feeling at the moment? writing stuffs makes me feel that i am truly and really alive. when i write things parang it is an affiramation. a confirmation. a confession. parang what natoy wrote in his friendster shout: if you don't write it, it never happens. when i wrote about things that happened there's evidence that it really does. that is why, when i write, there's evidence that i exist, right? so, that makes me alive? right?

...nonsense rants.

**sigh**

my dad and i

2007-10-24T17:39:00.000+08:00

This picture was taken at my sister's wedding reception. uhm.. about 4 or 5 years ago.

this was me with my dad. i was so payat pa then. hehe.
wehee... mejo malabo nga lang ang picture. di ko pa maayos... anyway...

yun lang...

LAKBAY KALUSUGAN 2007

2007-10-18T18:58:00.000+08:00

LAKBAY KALUSUGAN 2007

2007-10-17T05:12:00.000+08:00

We gladly invite you to a conference and Exhibit on Medical Tourism.

The exhibit will be on October 19 - 21,
2007. the conference will be on October
20, 2007.

For more details please visit
our website
http://lakbay2007.atwebpages.com/index.html

EMAIL: lakbaykalusugan2007@ yahoo.com

TEL EFAX: (02)922-38-94 or (02)696-47-05

SMS: 09272296914
Look for Mia Mae Sy (Head, Secretariat
Commi ttee)

evil

2007-10-14T10:38:00.000+08:00

money.. they say is the root of all evil. or so i am told...

we must admit, money is a necessity. we work to have money. some steal to have money. and some even die to have it.

...but why is it that when we acquire money, we always wanted more? we never really were contented with what we already have. we earned enough, but still we apply for credit cards and loans. so that we can buy things that we never really need. then, when we're stuck in our debts and it bloated to something we can never quite compute, we blame it on the bank and their interests. when we ourselves were the ones to be blamed for the irresponsible way we handled our money.

...nah... i blabber about money and all. but it never was the root of all evil for me. it still was GREED. wanting more than what we have... wanting what we can't have. and doing everything to have it. it was just a little different than dreams and goals in life. i guess we have to be careful for our dreams might become greed in the long run...

family picture

2007-10-09T16:25:00.000+08:00

This picture was taken during andrei's baptismal. i think it's the only picture we have as a family... hhhmmmm... di pa nakatingin si andrei. hehe. anyway. that was a nice day. andres(that's what natoy called him when he's being makulit) is finally a christian. ate and nene helped me organized, that is mostly doing the grocery and cooking... hehe. thanks.

blank spaces

2007-10-09T12:54:00.000+08:00

i can't fill the blank spaces in my head... i know i have a lot of work to be done. i should do a lot of things. but then,
..... blank spaces fill ny head.
ideas, i have a lot, but i can't let it out because again...
..... blank spaces fill my head.

gggrrr...

ang kambal...

2007-10-07T23:31:00.000+08:00

tatay put that caption in our picture when he saved that file...

kaye and i...

one night after work.

all i can remember is i am pregnant when the picture was taken. that's why i am sure that we're not going to aladino's... or were we? wahaha... can't remember... we used to go there with ate mj... miss you guys!

wordpress

2007-10-04T19:52:00.000+08:00

freul posted that she have a wordpress account... then i realized i have one myself... tsk... also been sleeping for quite some time... when i'm not here, might as well check me out there... http://tngnmrtz.wordpress.com

tada!

smile

2007-10-04T19:36:00.000+08:00

there were things you can't control...

and things you could actually have done a little different...

but then... there's no what ifs...

hhhmmm...

just smile and face the new day!

picture picture

2007-09-30T12:49:00.000+08:00

hehe... he is cute, isn't he? i just want to post his picture for everyone to see...

he's getting bigger... at nagiging makulit na din...

hehe

2007-09-28T03:29:00.000+08:00

khai visits Philippine Travel Mart 2007.
Thanks Jayson for the picture... hehe

usapang unibersidad

2007-09-03T07:27:00.000+08:00

san ko nga ba napulot 'to? hehe.. kinopya lang..

1. ANO'NG student number MO?
01-64797... hehe

2. ANG FIRST CHOICE MO NA COURSE?
journ

3. SECOND CHOICE?
tourism

4. ANO COURSE MO NA NATAPOS?
uhm...

5. NAG-SHIFT KA BA?
hindi eh.

6. CHINITO/CHINITA KA BA?
hindi rin... anung kaugnayan nito sa usapang unibersidad?

7. NAKAPAG-DORM KA BA?
ay hindi.. hindi ako tinanggap nun sa kalay eh.. sangdamukal na apartment lang

8. NAKA UNO KA BA?
uo naman.. mga isang beses ata

9. Naka-tres ka ba?
oo naman, dami ko nyan.

10. LAGI KA BANG PUMAPASOK SA KLASE?
haha... minsan tinatamad..

11. MAY SCHOLARSHIP KA BA?
iskolar na ng bayan pag UP. other than
that, iskolar ng tatay ko.

12. ILANG UNITS ang natapos mo?
ay... hindi pa nga tapos eh

13. NANGARAP KA BA NA MAG-CUM LAUDE?
di na... wag na lang.

14. FAVE PROF?
lanuza- prof ko nun sa soc sci.

15. WORST TEACHER?
uhm...!wala naman..

16.FAVE SUBJECT/S?
fave? yung may field trip

17. WORST SUBJECT/S?
econ?)

18. FAVE BUILDING?
AIT na lang

19. PABORITONG KAINAN?
fishballs and chicken balls.. kahit saan

20. NUNG ESTUDYANTE KA PA MAGKANO BA
ANG BINABAYAD MO SA JEEP
naabutan ko yung 3.50! ngayon eh nagaaral pa rin ako 6.50 na... tsk

21. LAGI KA BA SA LIBRARY?
ngayon ngayon lang. dati tulog lang ako dun.. ngayon nagbabasa na ko. hehe

22. NAGPUNTA KA BA SA CLINIC NUN?
hindi... may clinic ba dito?

23. MAY CRUSH KA BA SA CAMPUS?
wala eh... nandito pa ba si chito?

24. ANU-ANO ANG MGA NAGING PE MO?
bowling at philippine games! yikes! kulang pa pala ako ng dalawa!!!

25. KAMUSTA NAMAN ANG BLOCK NYO?
nuon, ok naman kami... masasabi kong friends naman kami lahat

26. MEMORIZE MO BA ANG ALMA MATER SONG
NIYO?
haha... last line lang ata..

27. member KA BA NG VARSITY TEAM?
malay ko ng sports....

28. NAKA-PERFECT KA NA BA NG EXAM?
ah eh.. kelangan ba perfect?

29. DITO KA BA NATUTONG UMINOM NG BEER?
ay hindi...

30. DITO KA BA UNANG NAINLOVE?
ay hindi rin...

ay... di masyadong masaya.. anyway...

Emotions

2007-08-21T16:19:00.000+08:00

I am trying to find ways to keep myself busy. Well actually I am supposed to be busy, with studies and all. I should have an exam tomorrow. I should be studying right now. We have a report due on Wednesday and I haven’t done my part yet. I should be preparing things that should be used as props for the report. My MICE management class made me Marketing Head for our Lakbay Kalusugan, an event that we are organizing. I am head of the committee that should gather sponsorships so we have funds for the event.

I should be busy right? Well, these past few days I have been very idle. There have been three typhoons that caused classes to be suspended for three days, Wednesday to Friday. Chedeng, Dodong and Egay halted my busy mindset for three days. And I was given enough time to cuddle with my baby boy and forget about everything else.

Now why do I need to be busy? So I can think less about analyzing my feelings and my emotions. I need to work on something so I can’t have time to reflect about life. I need to constantly think about something else so I can stop feeling things that I felt, or noticed things that I should not. What am I really talking about anyway? It may be something or it can be nothing. I really don’t know. That’s what’s hard about analyzing my emotions, I get emotional. Often than not I felt that I was too emotional. Or I get the conclusion that what I felt was just nothing because I just over emote about everything. But things like that pile up and overflow. And before I realized what was happening there I go again and become too emotional. But I do get emotional when I was alone and I have all the time and place to be.

I rarely shed tears this past few moths… err years.

I have been too candid to everyone before. I cried and mope around not in front of everyone but in front of friends and confidants. My life has been an open book to them. Mostly because I trust them, not to keep my secrets, I really don’t care if they told my secrets to anyone or anybody. I trust them because I know they can keep me in track. I know they would laugh if my stories were funny. I know they would slap me when I need one. And I know I would get a beating if I deserve it. And I know they would sympathize if I cried. Or maybe they cried themselves too when they heard my poignant adventures.

Now, why did that changed? Because I haven’t seen or heard from them for the longest time! I lost touch with some. Some of them I chose or rather I decided not to keep in touch with anymore because of morality issues because my significant other would not dare understand it. And some of them do not want to keep in touch with me anymore for reasons I don’t know and I don’t intend to know. If they do not want to keep in touch with me in the first place, it must not be good. And if it isn’t a good thing I don’t want to know about it, at least not now. Not right now because I don’t think I can handle it. I am too vulnerable at the moment. HA!! Believe it or not I am capable of being vulnerable. I myself couldn’t believe it either. I always thought of myself as invincible, a very strong rock which nothing can move. I used to think that I can handle everything that life throws at me. I believed I am strong. Others believed it too. It’s how they describe me, a strong girl. Somebody who have seen a lot in life and who have overcome so many trials in life and still live to tell all of it. That’s me. That is who I used to be.

Right now I feel like I’m on the verge of breaking down. I felt like I was on the edge. A little nudge and I think I will fall into nothingness. It sounds melancholy. And I felt pathetic. I feel stupid actually. I feel like a spoiled brat who has been punished by my dearest father by taking every comfort away. I guess being a mother has this effect on me. I guess it softens me, making me over emotional or making me break. When my mind was not busy I think to myself and dream of things I should have become. I dream of things I could have done, and then realized that I can’t. I often tried to analyze why I always feel like on edge, and always got the conclusion that I was lonely. But when I looked at my child the loneliness turns into pure affection. And when he laughs I feel comfort. When he achieved something for the day like stand still or learns new acts, pride overwhelms me. The moment I am alone and stagnant, I felt the loneliness again. I always had the urge to cry and release it all out. But it seem to be stuck there somewhere between my chest and my eyes. I feel the heaviness of it in my chest. I feel the wants of it to overflow from my eyes. But the tears just won’t come. It feels weird actually. I am so sad yet I am so numb. Was it possible? I am so lonely but the tears just won’t flow? Why am I lonely anyway? Do I expect so much from life? I certainly don’t. I am used to a rough life. At a very young age I learned to make my own way how to survive. I have done things so my life won’t be stuck. I found ways so I can progress. I don’t expect so much from life. I believe I can give life more than it can give me. When I was younger I like my freedom. I like my independence. I like to be in control of life. I like adventure. I always get in trouble. I always seem to be in the middle of some scandal or outrage or gossip or something. But I don’t mind. I guess I am happier when I can do what I feel like doing and not mind anyone else. I always got an amount of scolding. I saw a lot of eyebrows rising. I heard a lot of sermons, not only from priests but friends and older relatives. I was never any mother’s model for their daughters. But I think I am not the worst either. In fact I think I am also a good daughter at the same time. And never during those times did I felt that I was on the verge of breaking down. Well, maybe once or twice. I breakdown and cried my eyes out. And after a night I felt good because I’ve let it out.

Now, I am thinking again, why am I lonely? I think I know why but was anxious to say it out loud because I am afraid to accept it myself. I think I am not ready for the life I have right now. And then why did I have what I have right now? I honestly don’t want to analyze that, aside from the fact that I don’t want to regret what I have. In fact my child is the best thing that happened in my life. But young as I was I can’t help but wonder what my life would have become if I didn’t have this life for let’s say another five years. I didn’t say I don’t want this life but rather later. Now, was this justifying what I felt? Does this give justice to what I felt? Surely it does not. I can’t help but feel guilt. Being a mother should be nothing about wanting it later than now. But I can’t help thinking what I could have done more in life. I can’t stop dreaming of the dreams that I have wished to achieve when I was younger and had less responsibilities. There were things that I wanted to do and place I wanted to see before I settled into the life I was in right now. But just thinking about these things made me feel that I was selfish. Surely I have to consider things that have changed. I have to build yet another dream where people I have right now would be there and the center of my life. I have no complains about that. I gladly put all my dreams of an adventurous life away and created a new one where I can share all the things with the new people I have. I gladly embraced the idea of a new life, new people to love and to care for. And I expected the feelings and dedication to be reciprocated. Well, everything went well for the first few of months, until I felt that I am the least cared for in this household. As my mother and my father always said, I am such a fool (hangal) to even start a household. I can’t even cook, can’t even make my own bed, so lazy doing the laundry, and even lazier sweeping the floor. I can now see that they have a point. But I tried my best. I am still trying actually to run an organized household. Everyone seems to be spoiled by everyone else in our home, which is except me. Everybody seems to be getting enough attention from everyone else except me again. I have this feeling that nobody likes me in this house or that they haven’t accepted me as family, or doesn’t really care about me at all.

Of course I was overacting. Or maybe I am not. Maybe I am just too emotional. Or maybe I am really losing it. I really don’t know. And people and friends being away from me seem to add up to all the loneliness I am feeling right now. I mean without anybody to reach out to and nobody to talk to I am certainly feeling so alone. I miss the feeling of being loved. Of being cared for. I miss the feeling of being a princess. I miss the feeling of being beautiful no matter what. I miss being appreciated. I certainly missed feeling good about life, about everything, about myself. And I certainly miss being happy.

Oh I hate being so EMOTIONAL…

HORROR FLICK

2007-08-21T16:13:00.000+08:00

August 18, 2007
10:30 pm

I don’t like horror movies. In fact I hate them. Maybe because when I was a child, I had a dream, well, a nightmare actually. I dreamt that I was inside a very dark cave… wait... it wasn’t dark. Basta, it was a cave. When I reached the end of the cave, there was a big ferocious dragon. It roared loudly and breathed fire. I run as fast as I could until I was out of the cave. Alas I was awake, but I could still here the dragon’s loud roar. It was not the dragon I was hearing after all. It was my father snoring so loud. Anyway, I never forgot that dream. Although I already forgot how afraid I was I can still remember that from then on, I can’t sleep with the lights off and it was so hard to sleep. I was so afraid that when I closed my eyes I would see the big dragon. It actually took some time before I can sleep with the lights out without my sheets over my head, and for the fright of having nightmares to fade. When I was older, when I watched horror movies, I usually found it hard to sleep again at night, Afraid that I would dream about what I saw in the movies. And often I did dream about it. And I would again be afraid to sleep the following night. I realized that the more I thought about it the more I was afraid to fall asleep. But I can’t stop thinking about it because I kept on seeing the things I watched in my head. And it’s even worse when I closed my eyes.

When I was yet older, I stopped watching horror movies. Aside from the fact that it scared me, it also doesn’t felt good watching it. I just watch feel good movies, romance, comedy, drama and the like. I also don’t watch much action films. It doesn’t feel right.

Now, why sukob? I watched sukob this afternoon. Why? Well, because it’s what is shown in the television. And since ABS is making it sound like a very good movie. I mean I could have changed the channel and not watch it but I did. It seems to be an intriguing story. It was, in fact an intriguing story and creepy too. I don’t know why I even bother to write about it. It’s giving me the creeps at the moment. I can’t even go out to buy shampoo after I watched it. Ha, I will never again watch any horror film especially when I know I can’t handle it. But I am interested in OUIJA. Not because it was a horror film or the story is interesting. The story seems to be very common for a horror flick actually. I just wanted to see Camiguin and its beautiful site and how Ouija makes it look like. And I just wanted to see what the underwater cemetery is like. Or I can just go to Camiguin and spare myself the fright of watching yet another horror film. Hehe, maybe I’ll do the latter. That is, when I had the means to travel…

tough, tougher than i thought

2007-08-03T07:08:00.000+08:00

did i told you that i am working extra hard this time on my studies? i did? huh! it's tougher than i thought. of course i am working hard, but things came and went. events happened. Problems arises and well, it's never as easy as what i wanted it to be. do i have to tell the details? well, i would like to, but i won't... hehe.

But let me tell you this, i am not actually prepared when i took my midterms in T161 class. That's Land Transportation. Not that it's a hard subject. (Well, not that it's that easy either). But i never had the time to study for the midterms. No, i am not blaming anyone. And i think i did not do well in my Econ Exam either. I haven't seen both the results yet. But i have this weird feeling that i could have done better. i sure hope that i didn't failed. but i must be prepared to find out anything right? hehe

trully, being a mother, a lady of the house (not that i am good at this now... but i'll get there... yes, i will) and being a student is hard. oh, and a wife too...(my hubby's on night shift sa work nya, when he comes home at noon i'm at school, when i arrive home at night he's still sleeping. and when he wakes up, he'll eat and goes again). it really takes a good time management to balance everything. and i can say that i am not better at it yet. i still have a llot of things to learn and do. and to think that i am thinking of looking for a part time job. haha, i don't think i can manage it at the moment. i think i should master what i can at the moment. and i have to pass all my subjects first. i still have 4 midterms next week and a make-up exam for Econ.

This is tough... thougher than i thought. but i'll get through this... have to. and one day i will succeed. can't wait actually...

a beautiful day... or so it seems

2007-07-09T09:31:00.000+08:00

flashback...

July 05..

was on my way to lunch when i passed by the AS building. There were students (i supposed) with placards. I though they were staging another rally. Their placards said: FREE HUGS. hmft.. who might that hugs be.. i assumed it was another priest or foreigner that was kidnapped. As i was nearing them, one student approached them and hugged them.. as in akap. hehe.. FREE HUGS means libreng akap pala. para tuloy gusto ko bumalik at humingi din ng akap. i mean, after all the troubling thoughts of the past few days that was something that i really would need. but then again, i just sighed and said to myself: aaawww.... that gesture is very heartwarming. well, whether they've done it for case study, project or they just wanted to. it doesn't matter. it has that overwhelmimg effect on me..

later that afternoon, i was on board Katipunan jeepney on my way home. i sat beside two korean girls. they were talking in their own language and they seemed to be having a lot of fun. when i handed my fare and said "bayad po", they said it again and again... "bayad po",, like they were practicing their tongue or something. they did again when somebody said "para po".. they would repeat it again and again: "para po" even if the driver heard it very clearly. hehe. they were cute actually. when we reached the terminal they asked me where starbucks is. when they found out that they missed it, they sort of panicked and said "para po" over and over again even though the jeepney's already not moving.. hehe

well, almost a good day isn't it? only, during this time the rain is pouring heavily already. and there's no jeepney, or fx that goes my way home. i waited for almost over an hour to board a van. by this time i was already soaking wet, very tired and so hungry...

i arrived home late of course, ate, took a shower and prepared me and my baby for bedtime.

i slept longer than usual that day...

web cam

2007-07-02T10:04:00.000+08:00

haha.. over an hour na ko sa harap ng computer at banung bano sa web cam. hehe. ka chat ko si zandra kanina eh. at si ate shei. wala lang.

i decided that coming back to school was exciting. and dreadful... hehe. but honestly, i think i've been working hard this past few days. Well, compared to those old days... when i was still younger... attending school... i used to hang out inside libriries. not to study or to read. but to sleep. now, i am still hanging out inside libriaries. but believe it or not, i haven't slept a second! my break time seems so short for all the researches and studying to do! i still got a lot of stuff to do. to reasearch on. to read. problem set to solve. hehe. really, this getting into my system. i feel like this is what i should do. i like working with my mind. i guess i almost forgot how to that. i always do the same things when i am in the office. that is record, count, encode.. and not much of a mind excersice. but rather a daily routine of counting, recording, encoding, subtract and add that i can't seem to balance anyway. not that it's difficult. but because i can't seem to find the right and exact amount. some details were always missing. most of the files were scattered everywhere and never organized. by the end of the day, i became tired. oh, my mind too, but not because i was exercising them to be creative, or useful. but because i've had a hard time finding those files and data that i should have. now, you're going to ask me what i am talking about. well, i worked as an accounting staff. i handled online books and records, and files. now where is the fun in that? oh it's fun when you get to handle funds and budgeting, but recording them is very hard. "madugo". specially when receipts were missing. files were misplaced. or they don't really have any written report at all.

now... why did this entry school stuff turn out to be stories from work? hmpft... anyway, i got to get going. i'm late for class!

mondays

2007-06-18T09:52:00.000+08:00

ha! mondays... my hubby woke me up this morning and said that i should get ready for school. my mom text me early this morning and reminded me that i'm going to school... my sister also text me and said: students! students! i really am a student again huh? i got up from bed. and did my morning chores. took a bath and got ready for school. (classes starts at 8 for me). By 7:15 i was already waiting for my jeepney ride to katipunan. but as it turns out... it's hard to get a ride at that time. i'm late as usual.. for my first class... haha.. i really have to get use to this stuff again. i forgot to prepare my "baon" so i bought a sandwich in CASAA. hi hi hi.. i am really feeling like a student again. and believe me... i dreaded class recitations now.. why? haha.. i don't know. and i'm kind of shy when people asks me my student number... haha. if only i did not stop schooling before. but then again i am very thankful to my hubby: Renato (yes you) for allowing me to go back to school. even though we're not doing very well financially... hehe.

oops... it'd almost 2pm. i don't want to be late for my next class.. haha.

so.. to everyone: Wish me all the blessings I could get! I'm back in school!!!

back

2007-06-04T15:45:00.000+08:00

may. madami din nangyari. i've quit working... well, not officially yet. i'm still trying to decide what to do. oh, my baby is baptised. He is a Catholic Christian now. With a lot of ninongs and ninangs who did not attend the event by the way.. (hehe, no bitter feelings here..)
i am working on my readmission to school. Hopefully they will grant my appeal. So I will become an official student again! Uhm... working student, i mean. Well, that is, if I can find a part time job that pays good. Oh,, I really should find something. And then,,, well, that's most of it.

quarter moon

2007-04-20T18:33:00.000+08:00

"Look oh, ang ganda ng quarter moon! May katabi pang nag-iisang star!"

I remember him saying, "Maganda ba yan?"

Now, how did I end up being with somebody who doesn't appreciate what I like? Like the clouds, heavenly bodies, happy thoughts, happy memories, and the better side of everything? i never imagined myself laughing so hard with a partner who would just stare at me and ask, "what's so funny?"

I am a very shallow person.

i cry over a dead puppy. or even a lost shoe. or a stolen lollipop. i laugh at everything. An out of tune singer. a puppy who fell down. a corny joke. or my own mistake. and i get hurt easily... like frowning at me when i've done nothing wrong. (specially that). not kissing me goodnight. not saying good morning. but i forget those hurts easily too. just one sorry will do.

oh! and a hug! definitely a hug.

Now, how did I end up being with somebody who doesn't appreciate what I like? I think I fall easily in love too. and when i decided to fall in love, I've decided to be that way for a long time.

I just saw the moon. It's really captivating. and somehow, I found comfort in it.

"I know it is there, even if I can't see it everytime"

nothing...

2007-04-17T16:33:00.000+08:00

my mind is blank...
as in nothing...

Alcohol Always Lied to Me

2007-04-16T16:01:00.001+08:00

I Drank for Courage... and woke up night after night horrified.
I Drank for Sophistication... and became crude.
I Drank to find Peace... and ignited a war within myself. I Drank to be Friendly... and became argumentative and nasty.
I Drank to be Sexy... and turned people off.
I Drank so that I could Relate to Others... and I babbled.
I Drank to put down Loneliness... and found myself retreating more and more into my shell.
I Drank to Relax... and woke up tense.
I Drank to be Entertaining... and became an obnoxious clown.
I Drank to Live More Fully... and contemplated suicide.
I Drank for Adventure... and discovered disaster.
I Drank to be more Honest... and insulted my friends.
I Drank to Quiet my Nerves... and woke up with hangover jangles.
I Drank to Feel Better... and ended up sick and throwing up.
I Drank to have Fun... and passed out in the middle of the party.
I Drank to Pep Myself Up... and ended up exhausted.
I Drank to feel Successful... a Big Shot... but ended up a failure.
I Drank for Security... and became afraid of my shadow.
I Drank to Feel Better about Myself... and ended up hating me.
I Drank to prove I could handle Alcohol... and ended up knowing it controlled me.

Men are better friends!

2007-04-13T14:45:00.001+08:00

Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the very next morning, she
tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night.
The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriend's and none of them confirm that.

Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very
next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the
wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their
apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there
with them!

Moral of the story: Men are better friends

"alak"

2007-04-12T18:06:00.001+08:00

My friend txt me last night. may problema daw sya. she wanted to tell me her troubles but she can't seem to say it. nahihiya daw sya. i told her, she better tell me what it is so she'll feel better. i told her... "alam mo, parang e**k lang yan eh. nakakahiyang ilabas. pero kapag nailabas mo na, ang sarap ng feeling. ...and her reply?...

"hayup sa analogy"

sabi nya, idadaan na lang nya sa inom..

funny.. i used to tell that to myself. every time there were unwanted events in my life, i always, well almost always, turned to alcohol. beer for that matter. hah.. those days.. i don't know either to laugh about my mistakes or shrink about my insanities. i have done a lot of stupid things.. the most stupidest things you could have thought of.. when i was drank. haha... ung tipong hindi ko na maalala what happened the previous night. or i would simply choose not to remember at all. and yeah.. because i felt i did something stupid. and it defeats the purpose of my turning to beer in the first place.. (to forget my worries?) being drank and not remembering what happened only adds up to my endless worries. but it added to my escapades. charge to experience ika nga nila. on the other hand, it's nice to have let everything inside you just spill out. without thinking what others would say. or how they would react. (well because you can't control yourself, lango sa alak eh). haha. i can't say that i regret those parts of my life when i am a bitch. but i didn't say i am proud of it either. let's just say that it was part of my insane past. and somehow, i learned from it. well, i learned from it, a lot.

it was over a year now when i had my last shot of beer. and i can't say that i missed it. if there's something i missed, it was not the taste of beer. but the company of those you drank with. the family, the friends. the ones you converse with during the "session". the funny jokes. the sad and teary stories. wala lang.. yung samahan ng barkada.. that's what i missed most. and of course, their stories about me when all i can remember was nothing from the previous nights.

**sigh**

i don't know how to react actually. remembering those times when i feel stupid i laughed at myself. and if you're gonna ask me if i wanted to do that again? well.. it depends...

Shot ka muna!

worried?

2007-04-11T17:00:00.001+08:00

Are you upset little friend?
Have you been lying awake worrying?
Well, don't worry...I'm here.
The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will
shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you.

~Charlie Brown to Snoopy~

pampers

2007-04-11T16:33:00.000+08:00

pampers comfort. my baby’s diaper brand. but lately his been having rashes. maybe because it’s too hot and the diapers material is plastic… or sort of. i changed his brand. maybe it’s not so comfortable after all.
speaking of pampers. i really really want to go to the spa, salon and pamper myself. have a spa, body scrub, body massage, facial, manicure, pedicure, hair relax, rebond.. whatever.. -a total make over. i have been feeling kinda old lately. so haggard and stressed. my days have been very busy. but still, there were a lot of things that i haven’t done yet. it seems like 24 hours a day were not enough for everything that i would like to do. my to do list keeps filing up and up and up and up. (haha, but i still have time to post this blog). why did i really decided to have a blog anyway? i don’t know. maybe to have an outlet of what was inside my head. so i can let everything out. wala kasi ako makausap eh. baka ako mabaliw. hehe. i can talk to andrei but as if he can understand and talk back. oh i can’t wait to have a conversation with him. all we do is smile and laugh at each other. oh and hugged and kissed. not that i am complaining of course. i love every minute we do that. actually, can’t wait to that again, and again, and again.. oh, i wanted to go home and hug him now. sigh… if only i can stay home all day.. why can’t i? i’m at work. –so why am i blogging? the boss is not around… haha.. hhuussshhh….. it’s good to be writing again. where am i again? ah.. pampers.. sigh… i wonder when i can have the time and the money to pamper myself..

my andrei

2007-04-11T16:00:00.000+08:00

my baby’s name is andrei.

he fell from the bed the other day. we were eating when i heard a loud thud inside the room. i run to where he was. i panicked when i couldn’t find him on the bed. when i found him on the floor on his tummy and crying i picked him up right away. i was so scared. maybe more scared than he was. i hear stories of babies falling from high places and it freaked me out. Most of it were not so comforting.

It makes me realize how much i changed. From the outgoing person i used to be. it’s true, what they say, that having my own child makes me see the world differently. It makes me a stronger person. i value family time and quality time now. Having a baby is a lot of responsibility. But unlike meeting deadlines and reporting for work, this kind of responsibility makes me proud. i never do it out of obligation but out of love. it gives me a reason for being a me in this world. hindi na lang puro sarili ang iniisip ko ngayon. now i have someone who is dependent on me. and it gives me a warm feeling of being wanted. i used to think a lot of what my purpose is in this world, if i was to make an impact on the people around me. i always asked myself what others would say about me when i am gone. i used to dream of leaving a legacy or being a legend. i dreamed of being a hero. a well known actress. just so that i will be remebered and appreciated. i struggled to be someone who would be a good example to everyone. and when they say my name they would whisper that i am great in what i did.

But all of it suddenly changed the moment i heard my child cried. it was the most wonderful sound i have heard. it takes all the pain of giving birth away. it sums up all the joys and happiness that i have felt my entire life. and when i saw him for the first time.. ahh.. that was most heartwarming experience that i have ever had. The sleepless nights that followed due to his waking up in the evenings were the most wonderful sleepless nights i had. his smiles and giggles were the most beautiful sounds that i heard.

i wanted to give him everything that i can give. all that he wanted to have. everything that’s best for him. i wanted him to feel loved, secured and respected. i wanted him to grow up as fine young man. i wanted him to mature as a just, humble, God-fearing and giving person. i wanted him to be successful and happy. i wanted him to have all his dreams come true.

in his eight months of existence, there never was a time that i have never kissed him a hundred times or more. and hugged him too.

it is a very wonderful feeling, being a mother.

i can’t wait to get home!

me self

2007-04-10T17:30:00.000+08:00

well, about myself first. i am a 23 year old girl. i have an 8-month old baby whose father is a good man. we live in a small home where i can raise my little family. but life wasn’t that good before that. i have been a very happy go lucky girl and no cares about the world. i live life as it comes. i live like there’s no tomorrow, or a later. i act on guts and instinct, or whatever mood i was in. i’m never alone but i am a loner. i’m interested in people but i never socialized. i almost always lost control. and got in trouble because of it. but always got out of it.. somehow.. i can do anything for the one i love.. or have done nothing about it. i loved, lost, loved and lost again. i always hurt. i almost always end up crying. and i also dried my tears everytime. i never lose faith in love. and i never will. it’s the most powerful thing in the world. the most wonderful feeling. the most valuable gift you can give. and the most expensive thing you can steal. i trully believe in the power love. the magic that it can bring. along with the hurt and pain. the joy and pride. how it can take the shackles off my feet and stand proud.