my andrei

my baby’s name is andrei.

he fell from the bed the other day. we were eating when i heard a loud thud inside the room. i run to where he was. i panicked when i couldn’t find him on the bed. when i found him on the floor on his tummy and crying i picked him up right away. i was so scared. maybe more scared than he was. i hear stories of babies falling from high places and it freaked me out. Most of it were not so comforting.

It makes me realize how much i changed. From the outgoing person i used to be. it’s true, what they say, that having my own child makes me see the world differently. It makes me a stronger person. i value family time and quality time now. Having a baby is a lot of responsibility. But unlike meeting deadlines and reporting for work, this kind of responsibility makes me proud. i never do it out of obligation but out of love. it gives me a reason for being a me in this world. hindi na lang puro sarili ang iniisip ko ngayon. now i have someone who is dependent on me. and it gives me a warm feeling of being wanted. i used to think a lot of what my purpose is in this world, if i was to make an impact on the people around me. i always asked myself what others would say about me when i am gone. i used to dream of leaving a legacy or being a legend. i dreamed of being a hero. a well known actress. just so that i will be remebered and appreciated. i struggled to be someone who would be a good example to everyone. and when they say my name they would whisper that i am great in what i did.

But all of it suddenly changed the moment i heard my child cried. it was the most wonderful sound i have heard. it takes all the pain of giving birth away. it sums up all the joys and happiness that i have felt my entire life. and when i saw him for the first time.. ahh.. that was most heartwarming experience that i have ever had. The sleepless nights that followed due to his waking up in the evenings were the most wonderful sleepless nights i had. his smiles and giggles were the most beautiful sounds that i heard.

i wanted to give him everything that i can give. all that he wanted to have. everything that’s best for him. i wanted him to feel loved, secured and respected. i wanted him to grow up as fine young man. i wanted him to mature as a just, humble, God-fearing and giving person. i wanted him to be successful and happy. i wanted him to have all his dreams come true.

in his eight months of existence, there never was a time that i have never kissed him a hundred times or more. and hugged him too.

it is a very wonderful feeling, being a mother.

i can’t wait to get home!